International Firestorm
by Random Guise
Summary: Sergeant Frank Drebin is attending an international exposition when he gets roped into helping judge a food competition that gets a little hotter than he imagined. Takes place shortly before the first Naked Gun movie. I don't own these characters, but I have been to LA.


**A/N: Takes place shortly before the first movie.**

International Firestorm

The merry sounds of the international exposition played through the air as dark-haired Sergeant Frank Drebin and his boss Captain Ed Hocken moved through the crowd. Various type of music competed against each other while diverse cultural dancers performed for the crowd.

"We may be off duty, but keep a sharp eye out anyway" Ed told Frank. "The mayor wants a bigger police presence for the event."

"If she wants bigger cops, maybe she should feed them more" Frank offered as they moved past a corn dog booth. "I don't see what the trouble is; we're both pretty big guys and Nordberg is no runt either. Speaking of, where is he anyway?"

"He went off to go check on the safety of the human slingshot ride they set up on the south end. We can't be too careful with the public's safety."

"Sergeant Drebin! Oh Sergeant Drebin!" A woman called as she pushed a few nuns out of her way to reach the police officers. It was Ashley Stonebush, the mayor's personal secretary and organizer of the exposition that showcased the cultures of the many nationalities that made up their city. Frank tried to hide behind a man eating a corn dog, but the man was a midget and the attempt was futile.

"Sergeant, I'm glad I found you. You're needed over by the chicken challenge immediately."

Frank straightened up. "No thanks, I always lose when I play tic-tac-toe against that hen...she's a master."

"No, not that one, the food challenge. Come with me." She grabbed Drebin by the wrist and drug him away until at last they were standing on a platform in front of a small crowd. The platform also held a table with several pots, plastic forks, napkins, a large bucket with cans of beer on ice and two other people.

Stonebush took a mic from the table. "Welcome to the International Exposition Chicken Cooking Challenge, where today's judges will try to guess where the dish originated after they've tasted them. On my far left, we have food columnist Harve Benedict from the Times. Next to him is Channel 5's Seat and Eat, Lisa Fromage. And on my right, from Police Squad's finest we have Sergeant Frank Drebin!" Scattered applause followed the introductions. "The dishes might be a little spicy, so we've provided beer to cleanse your palate between samples if you need one. Write down your impressions on the sheet in front of the numbered pot and move on to the next. Judges, grab your forks and begin!"

The judges moved to the first pot and sampled the dish.

"Definite tomato base, with a few diced jalapenos for accent" Benedict wrote. "The flavor of the chicken really comes out with the mild peppers. I see myself south of the border, probably Mexico or maybe Guatemala."

"Wonderful use of Pico de Gallo, and the pairing with the chicken is quite good. I prefer more onion in my Mexican dishes" Fromage suggested.

Frank wrote down "My writing may be a bit blurry because my eyes are watering at the moment. I see myself in a burning building right now, probably the first floor." He tried to discretely sidle over to the bucket, and turned his back on the crowd as he quickly downed a beer to put out the fire. He downed a second one to be sure no remaining embers would flair up.

They moved on and tasted from the second pot.

"Sichuan influences at work here, although I suspect that the sweet sauce has mitigated the spicy flavors. Mainland China for sure, I can just see the great mountains" Benedict judged.

"I love the plum sauce!" wrote Fromage. "Although I think it works best with pork, it does bolster an otherwise ordinary chicken. Central, or possibly southern China."

Frank made a quick trip to the bucket and drank the two remaining beers. While his back was turned, he missed Nordberg sailing through the air as he flew off the ride. He returned to the comment sheet. "I made it out of the burning building and am now standing in a fruit orchard being consumed by flames. That dish might have had chicken in it."

The judges made their way to the third pot and sampled it.

"I'm really surprised to find an African dish" Benedict indicated. "I've only had Doro wat once; this is as good as I remember. The berbere sauce and egg make an unforgettable trio that hails from Ethiopia."

"I have no idea where this dish comes from, but it's wonderful. Moderately spicy and the ginger/nutmeg spice combo really makes it stand out" Fromage added.

Frank scribbled down "I'm sure I ate something, but all sensation has been lost from lips to stomach." He rushed over to the bucket and found no more beers as he thrust his head into the icy water to look around. After he removed his head he didn't even notice the ice cube stuck to his cheek.

The judges moved to the fourth pot and gave it a try.

Benedict beamed. "My favorite so far, this has to be Chettinad. Producing a medium heat, the blend of chilies is amazing. I think the chicken itself is a bit a bit on the dry side, but this Indian dish is a real treat."

Fromage tasted hers and walked over to the bucket, found no more beers, and returned to write her comments. "This is about as spicy as I like my food to get" she wrote. "Not a big fan of the ginger accent, I think leaving it out would improve the overall flavor. There's a great Indian restaurant in the north valley that makes a superb version of this with a variety of meats."

Frank's face began to turn orange and he made a slow march over to the bucket. Without looking he grabbed it, and upended the ice and water over his head. Weaving slightly, he walked back to the pot and wrote "My teeth have melted and I cannot chew. My throat is gone and I cannot swallow. Gravity is all I have now." A piece of chicken had landed in his shirt pocket and was now creating a stain.

Ed had made his way to the front of the crowd and was watching the final part of the competition, a cotton candy in one hand and a huge soda in the other. He toasted in the direction of Frank, who smiled back in a state of numbness while his fellow judges moved to the final pot.

"I've met my match today! I've never eaten it before, but this can be nothing but Gaeng Kua Kling from Thailand. Good thing I only ate one bite" admitted Benedict, as he wiped a little sweat from his brow.

Fromage simply touched her tongue to her sample and set down the fork. "It smells and tastes like it's from Asia, but I'm not brave enough to try it."

Frank staggered up to the pot, and stabbed his fork at it, missing. Concentrating, he slowly tried again and managed to get several pieces skewered. He shoved them into his mouth and somehow managed to chew and swallow them. He attempted to write "Supernova in progress" with his fork, and then tossed his pen into the pot. Hair now white, he stumbled off the platform and weaved up to Ed.

He tried to reach for Ed's soda, but veered off course and grabbed a round goldfish bowl prize being held by a boy standing next to Ed. He quaffed the entire contents and handed the bowl back empty.

"My fish! You ate Goldie!" the lad cried.

Frank grabbed Ed's soda, ripped off the lid and hiccuped the fish into the cup before trying to pour it back into the bowl. By a miracle the fish made it back in as soda ran everywhere. After he handed the bowl back he sighed in relief and his breath ignited Ed's cotton candy, turning it into a burning torch.

"What about the gravel?" the boy asked.

"Sorry kid, it's lava now" Frank managed before passing out.

The End

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 **A/N: A variation of an old routine, but once again I wanted to post a story for this category that actually had something to do with the movie or characters.**


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